8:45pm In Everett Again, I Should Start Sending My Housing Checks Here Instead

Dear A,

I miss you a lot today.

I mean, of course I miss you all the time, but usually I can wrap my head around the fact that I am here for the next eight months to get my degree and expand my educational horizons by working hard. If I focus on that, then missing you and the home I left behind doesn't usually interrupt my now very busy days of going to class and doing homework.

But I woke up missing you, and it's hung on. I even found myself thinking that I miss when you slap my butt! Isn't that crazy? I know you think it probably annoys me, but I'm starting to realize that it is your way of complimenting me, not objectifying my body. I miss being able to sit with you in a room and not talk, like the night we spent reading silently on my bed. I feel like we can't do that now because talking on the phone usually implies having something to say, so why would I call you just to put the phone beside me and read?

Mostly I miss your presence in my life and the ability to drive to your house in the middle of the night. I miss feeling physically close to you and feeling your love. I've tried to hold onto that feeling here, but sometimes it gets lost in the journey. I miss being in your space and observing all your idiosyncrasies that I have grown to adore, like how you always light candles, even during the day. There are some things that talking on the phone or seeing you on Skype just can't replace.

I know that your response to this will be something like, "Then you shouldn't have left me!" but I hope in time, it doesn't always come to that. I want you to be proud of me for what I've done by coming here. I want you to brag to your friends and family that someone who loves you is getting a degree from an Ivy League university and has moved all the way to New York City to tough it out in a very challenging and demanding environment. I want you to be proud of the fact that I did this all by myself.

But I also want you to acknowledge and appreciate that even though I'm here, with thousands of distractions and demands, I think about you all the time. I think of a million things to tell you every day and try to just pick a few because I know how busy you are. You are still very much a part of my daily life, you just take on different forms now. You are the city I live in. You've wormed your way into my subconscious and you influence my behaviors. I now find myself saying, "No worries" more than I ever had before (did you know that's one of your phrases?).

So I guess it's hard to miss you when you're everywhere.... but I do.

Love, M