4:11pm Back in the Everett Lounge

Dear A,

I have been hit with a crippling wave of panic and terror.

I have no idea how I am going to complete all the work I have for 6 graduate level classes and student teach during the day. And this is supposed to be my "easy" semester! My heart is racing, my mind is going in a thousand different directions, and my hands are starting to get sweaty. I hate this feeling because I know that I am smart and capable and I will find a way to do all of this, but right now, I'm paralyzed.

I have a lot of fear in starting down this track and although I'm doing my best to remain optimistic, I'm scared. I want to be the best I can be, but I'm afraid that even my best isn't going to be good enough to see me through these next few months.

The only comfort I've found so far is that I am not alone. I'm surrounded by other students who are in the same boat as me, and if we sink, at least we all go down together. But, I'm terrified of failure. No, maybe that's not the right thing to say... I think failure can be very good sometimes. I guess the real problem is that I hold myself to extremely high standards and I'm afraid of disappointing myself.

I think what I have to do is get into a routine, like you do. I'm going to have to wake up at the same time every morning and go to bed at the same time each night. I need to plan out exactly what I have to do each day so that I don't get behind, but I also don't get overwhelmed. I need to use my weekends productively to stay on top of my work, and I also need to remember to schedule in breaks for important things like eating, exercise and my personal relationships.

The secret to life is being balanced. Going too far in any one direction causes you to fall over.

I can do this. I can do this. I can do this.

Love, M