Dear A,
I wonder how different our lives would be if we had never met each other. I wonder if we would still be the same people we are now. I guess we're constantly changing independently of the people who find their way into our lives. But I know that we are certainly influenced by those around us, especially those we love.
I wonder how much of what I do has been influenced by you. I'm sure I'm not even aware of all the minute ways you've wormed your way into my everyday. I wonder how big of a hole would be left, if I took out all the parts of me that have something to do with you. I think I'd be a little less calm, a little less rational, and a lot less patient. Maybe I'd have cut my hair short. Maybe I'd exercise less.
I guess what I'm trying to say, is that I would rather know you and be without you, than not know you at all. Maybe that's love. I think that if I needed to be with you all the time, I'd be acting out of greed and lust. If I couldn't spend a day or a week or a month or ten months without being with you all the time, I'd be acting out of my own insecurities and the need to validate my worth by means of another person. That's not love, that's dependence. I'd want to be independently dependent on you. I wonder if that makes sense.
I've been saving these two links for you and haven't gotten around to sending them, so here they are:
How To Survive A Plane Crash
7 Strange Questions That Help You Find Your Life Purpose
I made the most earth-shattering discovery yesterday and I'd be doing you a major disservice if I didn't share: Trader Joe's dark chocolate covered pretzels eaten with peanut butter. I don't even really like sweets and this combination is exquisite. When you're ready to cheat on your diet, do it with this temptress.
Love, M
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