"Life's under no obligation to give us what we expect." -- Margaret Mitchell
Dear A,
As someone who likes to be in control of his own time and schedule, perhaps you can appreciate this quotation. What I've learned in 23 (almost 24!) years of living is that we can have the most steadfast and solid plan and a foolproof way of carrying it out, just to have everything turned upside down by a crazy twist of fate we never saw coming. As much as we'd like to think we're in control of what happens to us (and for the most part, I think we are), there is an element of unknown in just about everything we do, and there's no use trying to fight it.
If my life had worked out the way I planned it 5 years ago, I would be married to a musician, living in a teeny tiny apartment somewhere in Chicago, babysitting for next to no money, convincing myself that my husband's dreams were more important than my own and contemplating maybe applying to Northwestern's teaching program. Crazy, right?
But, as it turns out, some of the best things that have happened to me in the last 5 years have been the unexpected ones! Signing up for a Communications class at UCSD on a whim that happened to bring me to HTMMA, being recommended by one of my professors to work at the brand new UCSD Writing Center my last year (thus igniting my desire to teach) and yes, even suffering the immensity of my first real heartbreak which showed me strength I never knew I had and, believe it or not, made me an even more caring, loving and patient person.
And of course, the most unexpected thing of all, you.
You were never in the plans. In fact, I wanted to go away to graduate school completely unattached to California. But as I've said, life has a funny way of knowing what's best for us before we know for ourselves. If I hadn't met you, I think I would have moved away and not looked back. I could have set up life here for at least a few years in an attempt to get away from the drama with my parents, bad memories and being stuck in the place I grew up for the rest of my life. But, to be honest, I don't think that would have made me happy. Perhaps in the short-term, but I'm a homebody; I always have been. And I think whatever powers at play in the universe recognized that and gave me a reason to come home. I love adventure, I love exploring the world, and I absolutely believe in pushing my comfort zone to experience new things. That's why I'm here. But, there's nothing I love more than coming back to a familiar place, upholding traditions, and being around those who know me best.
And while I'm sure this crazy life has much more in store for me than I can see right now, I know there's no place like home.
Love, M
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