11:58pm Unrest in the Streets

Dear A,

I talked at length with Chris about you tonight. I guess my mom had filled him in on what I told her about what's been going on, and he had some theories he wanted to run by me.

Chris said that, based on his intuition (and he prefaced this all by saying he's shooting in the dark), you are a romantic, with a capital "R." You like the idea of Romance, but when it comes to putting it into practice, or when the reality can't live up to the fantasy (as it rarely, if ever, can), you recede or pull away or revert back to a place where the fantasy can live on. He theorized that perhaps you came out here to fulfill some kind of Romantic fantasy, but for whatever reason, I or the trip or a combination of both did not live up to the image you had conjured in your mind, and therefore you began to pull away (aka get nervous about Hawaii) in response. He also theorized that this may be why you consider Andrea so desirable when she is out of your reach, but when you two are trying to work things out, they invariably fail because again, the fantasy cannot be matched by reality.

Now, I don't know how much of that is true, but it's something I've never considered before. As I've spent the last few days trying to sort everything out in my mind, it's good to gain a fresh perspective, especially from Chris who has "been around the block" as he put it, and is extremely insightful and sensitive when it comes to other people.

Chris also talked a lot about "talking the talk but not walking the walk" which is something he thinks may also apply in your case. As you've told me many times, you have a number of lofty goals and ambitions, but you lack the motivation or ability to put action behind them. Honey, those dreams mean absolutely nothing if you can't find a way to reach them.

And here's the thing: no one can get you to your goals but you. I can't be the one to find a way to make your life's ambitions come to fruition. That only breeds resentment on your end. You have to make your way on your own. You have to be the sole proprietor of your future. Others can be there for support or advice, should you want it, as I have tried to do for you. But ultimately, the challenge is yours and yours alone.

Chris told me that when it comes to a partnership, if one person is always "carrying" the other, it fails. There has to be an equal exchange. Two people have to come with equal ability to carry the other when he or she needs it, but also equal ability to be successful on their own. I think this is so incredibly true, and something I will definitely consider strongly when deciding with whom to share the rest of my life.

Chris means well, and I think he has a lot of valuable things to say. He also cares deeply for other people and after his terminal cancer diagnosis, has developed a very positive and forgiving outlook on life. "In the end," he said, "everything we do must come from a place of good. We must do right by others, and we must do right by ourselves. We have to give more than we take, and be as caring and loving towards others as we can. That's what it's all about."

I couldn't agree more.

Love, M