Dear A,
You know what's shitty? I feel like I've done everything right since I moved away, but it doesn't matter... I've been kind and consistent, I've been patient and understanding. I've tried not to nose too deep into where I don't belong. I've been sensitive and diligent and supportive. I've been available. I've made time. I've kept my promises. and yet for some reason or other it's not enough.
And I don't know why I care so much. I guess I'm just disappointed because I've put so much energy into me and you, I've invested so much of myself and I truly believe that if circumstances were different, we would be happy. But, if I can't maintain a little bit of hope until circumstances can be right again, what's the point?
Maybe there isn't a point. Maybe I've been ignoring the signs from the very beginning that have said move on, run away, don't look back. It has been such a struggle. It's been so hard. But I see the good in you, I see the good in the two of us, I feel it when we're together, and it keeps me holding on.
But sometimes I feel like I'm the only one who cares. Especially right now. You are so, so far away.
-M
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