10:26pm Fool Me Once

Dear A,

Oh, I am so mad! I want to yell and scream and shake you for the complete and total fool you are being!

You claim you're at a point where you want to commit to someone and work things out no matter what and when I, the person you supposedly saw yourself with, am giving you that opportunity, you're choosing to throw it all away! What happened to you?! What happened to the sweet man I knew, who called every day, who told me he loved me, who talked about a bright future? What have you done to him?

I hesitate for one small blink, and you throw it all away for someone else? How could you?! Do you have any idea how totally and completely shitty that makes me feel? It makes me feel worthless. It makes me feel used and unloved.

You want to know something? I didn't tell you this before because I was trying to put the past in the past and let it go, but I know that you were talking to Andrea the whole time we were in India. I saw you texting her and I didn't say a word about it, even though it really hurt me! So you want to know why I hesitated when you said you thought I should come to India with you? Because how on earth could I feel secure enough in our "relationship" to move my life around the world while you're still very clearly involved with your ex-girlfriend? I am not a fool.

And yet, I chose to forgive it. I chose to let it go for the greater good of what I thought could be a solid partnership. I didn't say a word about it, swallowed my pride and still tried to have a good time.

So, in a week or so when you tell me that Andrea will be moving to India with you, and you say something along the lines of "I hope we can still be friends," I will say no. I will say no because if you're going to work it out with her, I definitely don't want her to go through what I went through. I don't want her to think she's in a secure relationship with you while you're texting your exes behind her back. I don't know Andrea at all, but I know she deserves better than that.

-M